Michael Battalio

Saturday, March 03, 2007

I'm Mr. Lonely..

Who among us hasn't been lonely? It's a rhetorical question that I can answer. Everyone. It's a horrible place to be in, and I find that that is one of the last problems I'm having to deal with. Am I lonely now? No, I probably know and am around more people now than I knew during the entirety of high school combined. The problem is this: once I have adapted to a situation I can be very extroverted, but when I am new somewhere I am terribly shy. It takes me a year or two to realize that I know enough people to be extroverted. It's a paradox I know, but one I can't seem to get around. I am afraid of being alone, not now but sometime in the future. And I know that eventually I will be there again because I can't be a 20th year senior. I have to leave MSU eventually, and with that comes awkward silence for at least a year. This is a problem I can only think of one solution to: learn to always be extroverted. That can be very challenging to someone who isn't accustomed to introducing yourself to the interesting group of people on the far side of the room. It's also something I can't practice until I have to practice it. And so, I am left where? Ignoring my fear, and hoping that as I mature I can fight though my introductory shyness. That's a really open ended answer-one that doesn't really satisfy me, so I continue to search.

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