Michael Battalio


Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Independence

Okay, another somewhat serious post.
I have been reasonablly free of parental guidance for two years, but
I find I miss it at times. When being told what to do amounts to
being told where or what to eat for dinner or being told to go to
church, I find that welcomed. I am an indecisive person; during my
freshman year my parents would give me money, just for the heck of
it, so I was somewhat obliged to do what they thought I should.
Recently I have realized that I, quite seriously, am on my own now.
I pay for everything sans cell phone bill and car insurance, which
amounts to 750 or 800 a year, easily affordable if my parents were to
tell me they were going to quit paying for that. It's really quite
frightening. Am I ready for that? I have no idea, but I am still
okay after a year of doing it. Independence is complicated. There
is so much to manage: bills, food, shelter, etc. Granted I don't
have much more than food to deal with at the moment, but I believe
you see my point. You can mess up one thing, and you have to decide
if you pay the electric bill or the water.
There is another point I want to make. It comes back to the
"impressionability" post I had a month or so ago. In this sense I
want to think of independence as being different, standing out in the
crowd, non-conformability-in a good sense. To be specific, I want to
be able to see everyone around me as being happy, generally fulfilled
people, and see me at the same time striving to be where they are,
but independent enough to be able to say their way to happiness will
probably not be my way. I need to go about being happy my way, and
quit assuming that if I follow someone else I will end up just as
they are. That's a horribly wrong assumption that has been
demonstrated to me the hard way multiple times. The problem is I
haven't learned it. I still want to be like everyone else, even
though I know that isn't going to work for me. It all comes down to
courage really-to become independent of everyone around me. It's
scary to be independent. I'm sure everyone has realized that by
now. So how do all of you do it?

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