Michael Battalio


Tuesday, September 12, 2006

impressionability

I have recently come to the conclusion that I am too impressionable
of a person. Someone can say in passing, "well, I don't even have a
tv in my room." I then wonder what is wrong with me because I watch
an hour or two of tv a day. Someone else can say, "well, I do school
work at least a few hours everyday outside of class." I then think
I'm a lazy bum because I don't do nearly that much work each day.
Someone can brag about how much they read a day, and I feel
discouraged because somedays I don't read a single paragraph.
Someone can have a part time job and it makes me feel
unaccomplished. A few years ago I was rather proud at myself that I
really didn't care what anyone thought of me. I'm not sure what has
happened since then. Again, perhaps this has something to do with my
general lack of self esteem. I have gotten better about it recently,
but I still have a long way to go. It needs to come to the point
where not only can I say to myself I read the right amount or I do
enough school work, but I can defend myself if I am questioned about
that. Right now I would defend myself if someone were to call me
lazy, but only because one is expected to defend one's self, not
because I would actually believe what I would be saying. Fighting
for self improvement is hard place to be in college.

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