Michael Battalio

Monday, June 19, 2006

...and I certainly would like to think of myself as a virtuous man.

Before anyone even reads this, yes I know the whining is getting old.
My problem is that I don't have any self esteem when it comes to
women. I've been myself, or at least what I think is my true self,
with every girl I've ever cared about, and it wasn't good enough for
them. I've also never asked a girl out first and she said yes, and
yes, I know I've complained about this specific thing before here.
But I'm just making the point, again I think, that I have no self
esteem for a good reason, not just randomly. This lack of self
esteem would be not a problem if I was okay by myself and happy
single, which I was not okay about at all last semester. (Hence the
depression.) I also think I've said this: it's funny how quickly
one becomes accustomed to being with someone and how hard it is to
get used to only being with yourself again. I think I'm finally
beyond the latter. (Hence the lack of depression the last couple
months.) A lot of the difficulty in getting passed the depression
was that I had forced myself into a competition of relationship
status, not just with all of my exes, but with every other couple I
was in contact with. I wanted what they had, mostly because I had
just had it too and really wanted it back. Also because I thought I
was at my happiest with someone. I am now finding out that isn't
necessarily the case. And I think for everyone that this realization
is a matter of time, a long time in my case. I can finally say I'm
very much okay now. My patience finally has paid off. You see (the
now reoccurring closing cliche) patience is a virtue, and I certainly
would like to think of myself as a virtuous man.

1 comment:

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